Good morning, afternoon, and good day, to you all! I know it’s been a while, since I last posted, which is why I’m ready to get right to it!
I had an epiphany about singleness yesterday, and I have finally come to embrace the liberating truth that being single is more about building your own independence, fully coming into form of your own identity, and preparing your own table, so that you know where YOU stand, with or without a romantic partner. Isn’t that so simple? When you spend your time, chasing something that you believe you’re “incomplete” without, you miss this principle. And even if you don’t spend your time lusting over a relationship, you do things like play with people’s emotions, by wasting their time, using them for some type of attention that you’re seeking, or you try to find places to fill a void, so you find yourself occupying spaces that do not add to your purpose in life, or where you desire to go.
After many failed “talking stages”, third and fourth dates, as well as potential relationships, I’ve come to the conclusion that I only found myself in and out of these phases, because not only was I searching for a void to be filled, but I was not using my time wisely. I was not focusing, consistently on what fulfills ME.
See.. when we are consistent with a thing, we see results. After seeing those results, we know what we’re capable of, and what we can produce. This allows us to be able to prioritize our lives effectively. When we don’t take time to make our gifts and desires a priority, we keep going back to that thing we feel like we’re missing, and that’s what keeps us in the cycles! Cycles of situationships, dating with no purpose, or wanting to feel loved and needed, but if I can’t dedicate myself to me, how can I expect another person to do that? It may work for a season, but what happens when that season is over? You’re right back to square one, so you may as well genuinely and entirely do what’s best for YOU in your singleness, so that you can take the lessons along with you in the next level of life.
Ironically, I’m learning that being single is not about waiting, praying, or even preparing for something, it’s about appreciating where you are, so that you can pivot into a life of wholeness, not related to a romantic relationship! It’s about knowing what you love, WHO you are, and what you amount to, in life, and to this world, so that someone else entering YOUR life knows where THEY fit, and vice versa. When we don’t know who we are, that means we don’t have an identity that we stand on, or believe in. Not knowing our identity causes us to conform, people please, and allow connections to define us. When you don’t know your worth or what you have to offer, you will prioritize their wants and needs over yours. You will enter relationships with a desire to be validated, seen, and accepted, but if you can’t see you, how do you expect them to? And their evaluation of you will NEVER equate to the purpose God placed on your life!
When you have not come to know your own identity, you will be anyone just to fit in someone else’s world.
Let’s stop making singleness about “not having” someone or something, and let’s start building ourselves up during this season. Ladies, don’t spend another unpromised day, trying to get somebody’s son to see how good of a woman you are. Every bit of your worth was already validated on the cross. Let’s dedicate our lives to the plan God has for us!
Lord, I thank you for this day. I thank you for the truth and revelation that is being planted in the hearts of your children, thru this message. I thank you for giving us another chance to get it right. Lord, help us to break ties with the fantasies we have created in our own heads. The image that we commit ourselves to, in hopes that it would one day be our reality. Help us to adopt the identity that YOU have for us. Help us to receive the love that YOU have for us. May we not go searching to fill our own voids, but may we trust in you to fulfill our lives, just as you promised. Give us the discipline we need to stay dedicated to your plan, and not our own. In Jesus name, I pray, amen.